LUISA ABUCHAIBE

I doubted my identity.
My name, my believes, my security, my lenguage.
I let go the feeling to act on what others think.
I forgot about being on time and I started to focus instead in the idea to stay present.
I replaced the pain with watching a sunrise, a sunset.
With running around the broken streets in Bali and feeling the heat of the sun.
My fears with dancing under the rain letting my hair become tangled, dirty and messy.
I forgot with the idea of being perfect, trying instead to breath deeply everyday with freedom, with intention.
I started breathing with passion, observing and analizing the beauty around me.
I let myself to be in danger, to understand that I can be vulnerable and strong at the same time.
I understood that there is nothing to worry about it, as life gives you what you need and takes from you what feels permanent.
I lost my path, my goals, my vision.
To enjoy the darkness and appreciate the light when I am able to see it.
Sometimes I thought about my memories, what should or would be different.
I stopped and I told myself to let it go.
I started to focus in the injustice of the world to feel grateful for my fortune: my family, friends, the people I am getting to know , the ones that will leave my path, my rooftop, food, body and health.
I left behind the ideas of what I thought I was, to accept new beginnings.
I let the anxiety transform in desire.
The sadness in music.
The loneliness in contemplation.
I fighted myself, to figure out the rythem of my heart

If you look at this you may be thinking: This Colombian feeling sexy at her perfect life in Bali. Well let me tell you that, there is not such a perfect life, there is not such a thing. We all go through so many metamorphosis and before becoming a butterfly you most need to grow in a cocoon. I have been bullied plenty of times since I was a child:
•You are not beautiful enough than… ( I lived all my high school thinking I’m ugly that’s why I choose to play futbol, teakwondo, taichi, reiki, and the I decided to become a dancer to team up with women that are in another level of spirituality.
• You are not as talent as. I was doubted if I draw what I do as a “ pretty woman and a dancer can’t achieve anything more than be beautiful on a stage or a camera) •Maybe was your brothers or your bf who did it. ( one of my ex’s back in Colombia is a very talented artist )
•You won’t succeed in VFX as was taken as silly as my English was horrible when I starter studying again in Canada.
I’m a professional dancer from stage, I have won awards around the world in this field and as well in my area as VFX artist. I learned English by myself after being bullied in Canada during my studies and harassed by some classmates as I got a job first than them in the industry.
This didn’t stopped me, I kept going growing and understanding that I need to use this pain to motivate myself as anyone can believe on you, if you don’t give yourself credit.
I don’t care to be the most talented, beautiful, I care to be compassionate, live by example and have empathy and trust with the people I work with and then I become friends with.
My career has become my life, I guess that’s why I’m single. I was bullied as I was not fitness enough, not beautiful enough as I work so hard in VFX trying to accomplish my dreams. That’s not enough for certain men.
Someone said once: If you want to open a business find a problem.
I am that problem, I have to pay visas anywhere I go as I’m Colombian. I had to get one to come to Indonesia! I have to work so hard to become a Canadian citizen and have travel privileges. Colombians are passionate and hard workers more than drugs and war.